Mum Is Where the Heart Is by You Jin

Author:You Jin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Epigram Books
Published: 2019-01-28T16:00:00+00:00

From this story, we can see that our children’s minds are like the empty cage. If we give them the space, they are certain to find ways to fill it.

The “Triple No” Policy

When Fung Teck was eleven, I bought a set of three-uses-in-one cookware; the three uses included cooking for the stove, oven and microwave. It was a new concept and a new product on the market, so it was quite expensive. That night for dinner, the children came into the kitchen to help me carry the cooked dishes to the dining table, and I heard a loud crash. Turning, I saw the beautifully roasted chicken lying on the floor amidst the shattered pieces of my new cookware. Fung Teck looked up at me and said mournfully, “Mama, I wasn’t careful…”

I was so angry my hair stood up. I wanted to pull his ear and shout at him, but what was done was done. Punishing him like that would not change anything. And anyway, it wasn’t like he did it on purpose.

I sighed and said, “Help me clean it up and let’s get ready to eat.”

On another occasion, when Fung Yee was twelve, we went to my good friend’s home for dinner. As we were leaving, my friend gave me a bottle of French wine, since she knew how much I love wine. She said, “This is ten years old, but I couldn’t bear to open it all this time.”

Treating it like a precious treasure, I carefully carried it home. When we got there, I handed the wine to Fung Yee so I could take out my keys, and said, “Be very careful with it.”

Before I could even open the door a crack, I heard the sound of the bottle smashing into the ground. The blood rushed to my head. I turned and saw my son standing behind me, staring helplessly at the wine spilled from the broken bottle, a look of panic on his face.

Right then, I wanted to slap him and scream until his eardrums burst, but what would be the use? It had already happened, and neither scolding nor spanking would put the wine back in the bottle again. I took a deep breath and said, “Clean up the broken pieces.”

Some parents will scold or spank their children when they accidentally break things around the house, no matter how expensive or cheap the things may be. But I am not like that at all. If things break, they can be replaced. When a family bond is cracked, even superglue will not be able to mend it.

On the other hand, if the child’s wrong action is something that goes against my teachings, I will let him know with corporal punishment. I have always believed that if a parent uses reasonable punishment, such discipline allows the child to draw values that will benefit him for the rest of his life. When the child is grown and looks back at his early years, he will appreciate it.

When Ke Jun was only five, I caned her.

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